Hey there, remember me? I’m back! Yippie! Wait a minute. I am sure I’m the only person cheering for myself. Anyhow, I am going to cheer myself knowing fully well it was my fault. My fault that possibly anyone who ever read my thoughts wrote me off for dead. Tiny little wicked smile there. Well, if you thought me gone, sorry to disappoint, I am still alive and well my people. But I walk the long walk o
f shame.
Today I bow my head in shame, for not staying true to myself. At the confession box of my page I wish to cleanse my soul once again.
It has been a whole year and three months of silence. This is the true definition of a broken relationship. You see, when I write I am able to purge my soul of the pressures of life. Now you can imagine what a year has done. I feel like a con artist who has been discovered by the mark.
Last time I put my thoughts here, I was busy making new years resolutions. Ha! Need I say I failed all them? Obviously not, given I had promised to put my thoughts down once every week. This is hilarious even to me. Seeing I am now at the confessional once again saying I have been bad.
You will be surprised that nothing out of the ordinary has kept me away from my page. I haven’t been ill, I haven’t been reading, I haven’t been raising children, I’ve just been experiencing life. And I must admit it’s been pretty interesting.
Lilman is still growing. I haven’t changed my thoughts about calling nanny nine one one. With age I’ve discovered they only get more scary. His games are unbearable to watch, his questions sometimes too complex to answer, his thoughts too fast to follow. Well, I am a mum and proudly so. On this one matter, my chin is still up.
I took time to discover myself too. And this one year has taught me a few new lessons. And the most important one, is faith keeps us grounded. My train did at one point threaten to derail, but happily I discovered I can and I choose to control it.
I am the same girl. The one who could laugh at a funeral- I do not mean to be offensive, it just is.
Well, I am back. With my head bowed and having chastised myself severely enough to last me the next couple of months. I do not promise not to up and leave again. I have discovered other than for my baby and my life, I am able to pretty much forget anything else. So I will not lie to you my friends. I will however promise to be as open with my thoughts as I was before I broke up my engagement last time. I broke my promise and I am aware I need to atone for my sin.
This my dear friends is my way of apologizing for keeping off my page for so long. Its an apology to you my reader and to myself. On that note, this late night confession must end. See you on my next post.:-) Hopefully I will have fully awakened to the fact that I had an open diary that often made me smile.
jeanslilworld 