Who exactly is the head?

….. And for that matter who is the neck and the rest of the body. My english teacher would have my head on a platter for beginning a post with and. Well she isn’t here so i’m at liberty to start it the way i like. Besides i suspect Teddy will do the job for her just as perfectly. Anyway so much for being my own interruptor.
If you listen to Classic fm you may have an idea as to what may have brought me to this moment in time. The endless war between the sexes has convinced me that the modern Kenyan family is finally getting to its wits end and may not survive the onslaught that is economic turmoil, indiscipline among kids, insecurity and all other social ills that seem to grow tentacles as we watch. A moment of silence to observe what may very well be the death of family. Well i am not here to pride myself in what a ‘family person’ i am. If anything i have the tendancies of a lone rogue elephant. No scratch that. I am more of a tiger, finding it easier to hunt and survive better on my own. That’s life really. Some of us have the inability to fully mingle with the masses. But this post is not about the introverts, its about the rest of us who have an ardent love for family.
So ladies and gentlemen, what is all this hulla balloo we keep hearing on radio? Sometimes i have a feeling that these are potential murders we keep listening to. You see every human being has the ability to take away anothers life, the only question is, what the limit that would push them is? Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not looking to hear that one of those calling in every morning has suddenly gone rogue and murdered his/her entire family, far from it. I am looking to find if things are this bad. Why am i asking when i see it on television every other day. ‘MAN KILLS ENTIRE FAMILY AFTER A DOMESTIC QUARREL’. It’s about to become everyday’s news headline at this rate. So let’s see, life has become that unbearable to an extent of offing ones spouse and children just to make it easier? Hahaha. Never came up with a more stupid way of reasoning. That’s for he/she who would reason in that kind of manner.
So, since we can’t reason let’s go back to basics. I may not be too correct but i think my Bible somewhere expressely instructs the woman to be obedient to her husband and for the man to love his wife. Right? Well now don’t tell me it applies to my christian faith. I believe this is applicable to all religions, christianity not withstanding.
I am old schooled. I i grew up with the believe that if i disobeyed my parents i’d get stricken by lightening and chew a permanent blackout. In the same fashion i learnt to be submissive to the man i am with. Obviously things have changed, i’ve been exposed to the world and know what situation calls for submissiveness and what doesn’t. For instance, if my s/o becomes abusive should i bend on one knee and take it all? NO! My dear late mama told me better than that. She said “If a man ever hits you, abuses you in any way or cheats on you, run to the end of the world’. And that’s a creed i live by. Because, let’s face it, there’s no relationship there really. But let’s try figure out what ails modern families.
I am no guru but let’s call a spade by its name. Respect is gone, love got buried along with its sister humility.
Children no longer respect their parents. We don’t need to look far, it’s all over the place. Kids do what they wish, indulge in habits they are too young to comprehend what their consequences are and are generally a rowdy crowd that you don’t want to meet up with in a dark ally because God knows what would happen to you.
Husbands have forgotten their God given duty to love their wives. We are being candid here. How many guys do you know are married but never say it loud or insist their relationships are on the rocks so that they can hit the next skirt that comes by their way. Come on guys, and you complain when women call in to say the husband is too busy that’s why they are cheating? Revenge is a dish best served cold. Or if you like it my way, frozen. So a woman discovers condoms in her husbands pockets and he expects to get away with it? You will be having your meal on mount everest brother, cold as they come.
Wives. So when you discover your man has gone astray the solution is to get worse? Tsk. I’m sorry its just funny. Because i’ve been there, and though it may sound funny to me now it wasn’t funny then. The lesson i came out of it with is, when things go bad, reduce the speed on your lips and increase the love and humility. Its important to recognise who is the head in the home. Obviously i’m not advising for you to do it without wisdom, but try being humble. When things prove impossible, then you can look for other highways. Girls, the words we spew from our mouths when angry cost us our dignity, families children and sometimes lives.
So i say let the leader lead and the rest follow. In my opinion a man is the head, the rest are the body. What about you?

Long distance? It will never work! Or will it?

So, do you think you would dip your fit in a relationship where you probably will be seeing your significant other once in a while as oppossed to everyday? I say anytime. Bring it on. No i am not crazy, i’m saying this because i know it does work.
We first of all need to acknowledge the fact that while we were asleep the world did indeed become a global village. I would be surprised if someone gave inability to communicate as a core reason as to his/her dropping someone they are in a relationship with. The internet has become not just a tool of self expression to the masses but also a cheap, effective and fast medium of communication. So please shove that idea aside. That one can give lack of a proper media to communicate with is a laughable thought. I have a few pointers on how to keep that fire burning even across oceans.
1. Commitment
Obviously this does not apply to anyone who is in a casual relationship. When both parties decide to stay and tough it out, there has to be commitment. They both have to have similar goals. At the end of a certain period of time what do they want to achieve. Its preposterous to ask your ‘booty call girl/boy-friend’ to wait for you. Tsk… They would laugh in your face. Wouldn’t they? So yes it has to be with someone you are in the longrun with as oppossed to those you wake up next to and hope to die before you see them again. Okay that’s just mean but you get my drift.
2. Connection
Very important. Do not be suprised that i decided to mention this. You see, a lot of people are in commitments but not necessarily emotionally connected to their s/o’s. If you are going to survive even a day with distance in between, trust me you need to be people who are more than physically or materially connected. You see from a distance you will need to support each other. Sometimes the other person may not mention it but may need your support. So do you not think its vital that you know your partner fully and are connected in such a way that when they need to say something they wont be met by reprimands or a cold shoulder?
3. Communicate
Isn’t this one of the most important parts of this whole post? Write emails, send texts or even call. Sincerely if you do not do these things there’s no further need for you to keep the relationship going. Do not take this as am arrogant statement. It is a factual statement. So we wish to be waited for, but have no intention of being consistent with having open lines of communication? Isn’t this funny. Ladies and gentlemen i hate to have to be the one who will tell you this, but you will kill your relationship. Actually you have already put a noose around its neck and are gently pushing it down the gulley. May as well kiss it goodbye never to see it again. It does not matter how busy you are, make time to ask your s/o how their day was, ask after their health, to discuss matters that are beneficial to the both of you. It means alot to the other party. They feel cared for, remembered and loved too. Talk, talk, talk some more.
4. Keep the faith.
Well i doubt i need to remind you that this is one of the most essential parts of a relationship. Being honest and true. Play your part and the rest will come naturally. There is a reason you are far apart. It could be work, family related or education. If there was another way, both of you would be together, right? So why do you want to complicate it by involving other people? And by that i am talking to those of us who are fond of cheating. If you can’t do it in the first place, do not do it. Its not something for the faint hearted. If you cannot deal with loneliness break it off and go on meet someone new. This is an evil too but i assure you, it is the lesser evil. Keep busy. Do things that will distract you from the fact that you are far away from the love of your life. Read, go sight seeing, hit the gym, go to church/temple/mosque- if you are religious… Anything to take away the lonely moments. I doubt i need to remind you to avoid exposing yourself to sexy material. You will have undone all you worked to achieve.
If you checked all those points then i assure you, long distance relationships will not be a huddle for you. Should you find yourself not checking any of them i geuss you need to evaluate if you need distance within the relationship or to simply jump ship.
I read somewhere a joke about a guy who goes on a long trip and gives his wife a chastisty belt, leaves his best friend with the key should he die before he comes back. A few miles into the journey his friend catches up with him out of breath shouting “you gave me the wrong key.” Those of us who are left behind need to ask ourselves if we are worth being trusted with the other party’s hearts and material possessions.
For those of my readers who are in long distance relationships, if you follow my tips you will be surprised how fast time flies! 🙂

Baby let’s make this work………. Or not.

Today i want to talk about love relationships. Now don’t get me wrong, i am no guru on this subject, but i will try my best to bring my knowledge to the table and i promise to discuss this subject with an open mind.
Its been years since i felt my heart get fatally attracted to a guy. Been years since i realized that Cinderella and prince charming only belonged to the fairy tales. But i assure you i am grown enough to know one can create their own fairy tale. Chivalry is not dead my people, never been. We however have made it our life long business to kill it. Well if there is no romance in your life, blame it on yourself. No dont retaliate yet before i can give you my reasons.
1. Beauty. When we meet people we are first dazzled by their beauty. This unfortunate event mostly occures with men. Think brothers, after you are through with flaunting your new catch to your friends, family and colleagues, is this the girl you want to spend your life with?
2. Wealth. Girls, girls, girls, this inflicts most girls. Doesn’t it? So now that you are dating a man because he can give you everything you want are you happy? How about if he turns out to be a vicious, crazy maniac who enjoys beating you for sport? Will the money still hold such high spot in your life?
3. Sex. Well lets call a spade a spade. Sex is great as long as the parties involved enjoy themselves. But we ought to know that sex can only be meaningful if there is more to it. If not so i recommend one night stands. I mean if you don’t value the person you are with they need to see that merely humping and grinding is a total waste of time.
I just covered what i consider as the main reasons why people generally land themselves in hot spots wondering how they ended up marrying or dating the wrong people. And I’ll be damned if i didn’t honestly admit I’ve been there too. A large majority of us have been there.
We do not get tricked into bad relationships, we walk ourselves right into them. I will explain. In the past I’ve been that girl who is attracted to the really bad and mischievous boy. The bad boy attitude was a major attracting factor to me. The calmer and less outrageous man seemed to me as a bore. The kind of guy i would not want to waste my time with because i thought they are dull. Well i can tell you for a fact there is nothing exciting about bad boys and their image. If anything i have discovered with time they are the ones who land a girl in big big trouble. Because generally a man like this is only interested in his ego and once you make his realise you are real, his attitude changes. The same thing applies with those snorty girls men date thinking she’s the hottest thing that graced our planet. Once you stop showing her the good and glamorous life its a kiss goodbye sonny!
So now i am grown and have a sober mind. And have come to realize that for a relationship to work there are things people need to consider. Money, sex and beauty cannot and will never buy us happiness. When you are in a relationship its important to be friends first before anything else. I have a couple of things i find important to be honest with as i try to understand my future partner that i think i should share.
1. Trust. When you dip your legs in the water prepare to get wet. You cannot plan to invest in a relationship if you have no plans to trust yous partner. Be the co- driver, not the unwilling passenger.
2. Honesty. For Pete’s sake if you trust them why would you want to be dishonest? This is what leads to bad habits as spending carelessly and cheating. Learn to come out clean. And if you want to be safe, ensure you have no skeletons in the closet from the onset of the relationship. Lies lead to more lies.
3. Money. Lets face it, money has broken more relationships than anything else in our country. If you will expect to have a lasting peaceful life with your s/o, learn to plan and spend money in unison. Talk about it. I assure you its the hardest subject to begin but once you begin you find that you are more comfortable budgeting and spending together as opposed to hiding cheques and payslips.
4. Fair fights. When in an argument we usually like to be the winners. However remember that because you are fighting it does not mean you will break up. So don’t be stupid. Girls stop telling him he’s a lousy lay. Even if he is, its your job to how him how you like it. Besides you think bringing it up now will make you a winner. You lose. Boys stop telling her she’s old and ugly. That will earn you a free ticket to the couch for the rest of your life! And for God’s sake this is not the time to bring about your exs. Unless its about them. Why then are they ex? Stupid!
5. Love. Please do not forget what brought you together in the first place. It was love. Which in this case will have grown and moved part infactuation into a life long or short term commitment. Tsk tsk. That depends on the couple. Whatever you may have it should work if you remember what you love in them.