Buyer beware!

You would think that the choice to be a single parent is easy. Maybe to a few people. Not to me. I am a single mum yes, and I have to confess it’s no laughing matter. Just being a parent is hard, add single to it and that is recipe for nightmares and horrors. I didn’t choose to be a single parent, I found myself with a baby in my arms and with the feeling that I would wake up soon. Well, you guessed right, I soon realised it wasn’t a dream so I embraced myself.
Four years down the line I have this feeling I am still in the set position waiting to be the perfect parent. I could laugh at the thought. There’s however one hitch to this, people we are not in a comedy. Real life is both exhilarating and sometimes scary.
I have mentioned the situations I’ve found myself in trouble because of the little boy. That was about one and a half years ago. You would think age brings reason. Well if this is your thought, ha ha I have to laugh. Lilman has since uped his game.
I do not know how many times I’ve opened the door to a multitude of kids coming to report to me what Lilman has done. But do not get me wrong its not all gloom. There are moments of immeasurable joy and laughter. Moments that I just want to shout out to the world, “look, I am not so bad after all”. There are some situations that have baffled me though. Situations I just cannot seem to run away from. Namely;
MUM WHY DO WE NOT HAVE A DADDY?
Well my friends this is the father of all difficult questions. The problem is answering it leads to more questions. Refusing to answer it is totally stupid. So I went with answering. I told him it’s because daddy and mummy no longer love each other. That question instantly brought forth another one.
DOESN’T DADDY LOVE ME?
Suddenly my heart started bleeding. In my little world this question was never ever supposed to come up. But given I had already decided to bite the nail I had to walk the talk. This conversation, had to be had. Running off or cowering was not going to be the solution. So there I was thinking what to say. I said “baby daddy still loves you very much. He is working hard to ensure you get a good education.” That was a blatant lie. But had it been you would you have been honest enough to say, “I do not know where he is and truthfully I do not care?” Would you? Love is not always about hard fact. There’s a time for truth and a time for lies. I am sorry that this was not a very good answer but honestly I couldn’t come up with a better one with the limited time I had. But I quickly learned that I had just opened pandoras box as the questions started flowing like a river from the mountain tops.
IF DADDY IS NOT WITH US THEN WHY DO YOU NOT LIKE ME TO SLEEP IN YOUR BED?
Ha ha ha. This question floored me. Lilman being who he is had to find a loophole that would allow him to take advantage of a situation he could clearly read my responses and understood well that, ‘daddy’ didn’t stand a chance in frozen hell of sleeping in mummys bed. So he quickly pointed that mums bed was too large and she needs someone to fight off the monsters and bite off the robbers because she’s a girl. So, could I please allow him back into my bed? I did not want to break his poor little heart. Given he was already on edge about where daddy went. I was gentle and encouraging. I assured him that boys his age are already men just that they are short. And men do not sleep in their mummys beds. That answer was pleasant enough to his ear. He felt strong and capable and agreed to continue sleeping in his bed.
For a moment all the questions brought tears to my eyes. I felt inadequate and incapable. The questioning continued for a while. Somehow I got a good enough answer for the avalanche of questions that came my way. Being a parent is not easy, being a single parent is harder. Every single day I hear people say children are easy beings to deal with. That all they need is love. Yes they need love. But that’s not all. They need a lot more. They need comfort and assurance. They need to be cheered on and disciplined. This is a very delicate procedure. I take every day as it comes. Laughing hard when I need to, trying to be both parents when need arises. Sometimes slapping my wrist when i feel the need to over compensate. It’s true when my baby came no one told me BUYER BEWARE. However for the joys motherhood brings, for the laughter, sheer amazement at their little and big achievements I will do it. I can and will be victorious.
Are you a single parent? What are your highs and lows? What has surprised you about your children? What has surprised you? Do you like being a single parent?
I have a feeling I am not the only baffled parent. 🙂

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