In the eyes of LOVE

I do not know what it is about a woman that makes aging seem like the biggest disaster yet. I will tell you one thing, age is just but a number. Believe it. How young or how old you are depends on how you feel in your heart. There is beauty and wisdom that comes with age. Remember that too.
I just turned thirty five. I am not afraid. I have a sack full of little and large lessons learnt in my little life. Yes I do. Oh yes I consider myself young. :-)It is what it is.
I know you are wondering if my title is in any way related to age.Yes it is.
If you read my post about the audacity of hope you probably would remember a boy named Nash, if you didn’t, I will give you a re-cap. Nash was the boy I thought i’d marry. That was fifteen years ago. You will be surprised how things have changed.
Back then all Nash needed was to be handsome (oh he was) and a smooth talker. Oh how amazing life and experiences can be. Some years later I settled for the bad boys. I wanted someone who could defy almost anyone. Isn’t it amazing how we make stupid decisions because of something called hormones? Ha ha. Baby daddy was that kind of a man. He was defiant to the very bone marrow in his body. He would defy anyone and everyone. Now you see where I am headed. Yes he defied everyone including me. That my dear friends is how I wound up with an eight month baby in my arms staring at the door. :-). Some things we go through we definitely bring to ourselves.
There have been moments of insanity when the man I was seeing had to be over six feet, dark and trim. Now you understand why I am laughing at me. Yes, first attractions matter a lot. But we have trained our minds to like that which doesn’t matter. You wonder why I say this? Assuming I marry that tall, dark, handsome man. Who probably drives the best car in town and has a castle for a home. But has the uncanny habit of getting into every skirt he can. Do you think I would be a happy woman?  Exactly! A while back dating a big man would have been something id have laughed at all day, dating a certain race, religion, height, tribe skin colour. All the things you can imagine, would have been a problem. Now I am a woman, no longer a gal. I no longer see the physical. Do not even lie to yourself that its because I am out of options. No. The kind of man I wanted is still around. But age has come along with sanity and reason.
I am a woman, I won’t notice a man because of his looks, height, voice. All that is superficial. Some day this tall man will grow old, he may loose his teeth, his back may give in. So do you still think his looks will still matter?
I have learned a few things about the eyes of love.
1. Looks fade.
I am not as sexy as I used to be. And with time I will realise that today I am really sexy. If you have met the person who doesn’t spend all their time commenting about how hot you are and actually engages your intellect and other qualities, then you may be in luck. This is a keeper. Keep them. Yes it matters that we look lovely to the people who love us, but we cannot make it the priority in our relationship. Things happen. accidents happen, illness happens, let your soul be his/her priority.
2. Security matters.
Let’s understand each other. By security I am not talking about just financial security. A whole lot. I would like to know that the person I am seeing has a vault which only him and I can be in when trouble comes. I know some people have encountered situations where their significant others families or friends attack them constantly and the partner is just there standing at a corner. If you can’t offer security then really, you shouldn’t be there! There are those of us who also torment our partners with threats whenever there is a problem. That we will up and leave if she/he does or doesn’t do something. Or even with stories about others. Really? If you are going to stay remember there are rules and regulations on how to conduct ourselves, stated or not. When your partner has a vault to protect you, you realise they are worth your love.
3. Together we are strong.
I stand accused. And I am guilty as charged. I must admit I am not very good at supporting my partner. The reason I confess, is because I need to learn and I recognise my fault. At the alter of love I confess I somehow tend to hold what I consider mine as mine. But truth be told we have seen a lot couples who have made it through the challenges and mirk and made it alive. So I am admitting that when people work together for a common goal somehow despite the challenges they make it. The important thing is not to lose the vision. Hold that hand and do not let go. Sometimes one feels like kicking and throwing tantrums. Stop, think, take a time out then talk about it.
4. I come with the package
Single parents know what I am saying. There is no way one can proclaim love for one and leave their children. That simple. Being a single parent, I have realised that I get much more attracted to a man who cares for Lilman and I. This obviously quickly helps weed out the chaff from the wheat.:-). If I am going to spend time and maybe my life with someone, that person is better off knowing the little man is part of me. If you are going to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like your kids, I am sorry but truth be told, you are in trouble. Your significant other should never put you in a situation where you will feel guilty about having your children. Best thing you can do for the two of you is break it off. I know I sound cold, but this is reality.
5. Lets talk about sex
Don’t hate on me. It is fact people cheat and break up over sex. So talk about it. Say what your fears are, your likes, things you would do or not do. That way you will both be psychologically prepared to deal with it when it happens. And by talk about it I do not mean go ahead and seduce each other. Discuss it. People have a wide range of thoughts on the subject. Hiding and pretending it’s a none issue in a relationship is never a wise idea. Agree and negotiate about it. Just like you budget for things you need to do. Its an integral part of most relationships.
6.Love me as I have loved you.
Let love be for love. As time goes by you will realise that when one has love, its usually a bigger achievement and success than what outsiders see. We may think how someone made it rich and all they see is their partner standing by and loving them. So when you start out remember its not about what the other person has, its what they are.
7.Life is life
Let’s be true to ourselves. There’s nothing better than love. But should it not work out, try and keep the dignity of each other. Be civil and agree how to deal with it. Whether to move on or work on it. I personally recommend trying to work it out. After all it was love that brought the both of you together.
In conclusion, age has brought wisdom. The pointers up there clearly tell you that I, indeed have come of age. From dating men I considered demi gods to going for the guy next door. That guy who avoids trouble, not because he can’t get into it but because reason won’t let him. That guy who will use public means of transport because he feels he does not need to impress.
In my eyes of love I see a lot. Beyond the looks, beyond the macho attitude. I see a soul that genuinely cares for me. I am proudly a grown woman and I have no apologies to make.
What has age brought with it in your life?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s