…….. as a woman scorned. Really? Possibly given i have in the past witnessed a woman trying to snuff the life out of her friend with a sugarcane. Yes it was hilarious. And sure i am laughing real loud. But i beg to differ. Having observed my toddler i am quickly getting convinced that scorned women need to meet up with scorned toddlers and learn a few tricks.
Yes, i have learned the hard way. You see i am the proud mama of a little man. Lilman we shall call him today. This fellow will be turning three in four months time. Well i am not excited because it only makes me more acutely aware of where i am headed. Anyway i sound like a ranting mad woman who’s talking about nothing. They were not wrong when they called this age terrible. Because it has just about brought out the worst in him. Don’t get me wrong, i am awfully crazy about Lilman. But i wonder about him. You see indiscipline might serve well as his first name right now. The other day as we were getting into the house, he spotted one of our neighbors. He proceeds to shout “you fool!” and points at the poor gentleman. Before you point an accusing finger at me, trust me i had his hide for dinner that day. No don’t call child protection services. Because they will bring him right back and i will have the last laugh. See if i dude his age behaves that way, you can imagine the shocked, mad and purely rude stares I’d get at the convenience store the next time he slips and picks up an object and throws it at someone? I ought to add the fact that he is a perfect marksman. (i wonder if i can apply for a snipers position for him at the NSIS or something similar). So you picture that, and tell me if i will get out alive. Anyway what i am trying to say is i have have several teary moments with him. Ha ha. Not his, mine. Why didn’t the doctor tell me “here is your bundle or pure unadulterated energy?” And gave me a manual with him. With words of caution. Namely: Will bite at will, throw stuff, wake up in the middle of the night just to scream his head off, will hurt himself and others within five feet…….. You know, any kind of warning. Well true parenting does not come with a manual. But lately i have been thinking it should. You see when your baby makes you think it would be nice to fall sick and get admitted in hospital it raises more than eyebrows. Bundle of joy and happiness. Hehehe.
Oh did i tell you about the day i tried telling him about hell and Heaven? Not one of my favorite moments i might add. Well i sat him down and explained just how horrible hell is. Oh and i did pain a grim picture of the place. (Even i was scared.) Then i went on to paint a fabulous picture of Heaven. How wonderful the place is. The singing and rejoicing, the wonders of Heaven. After the long lecture which included picture illustrations of angels and demons, i confidently asked him to make a choice of where he would like to go. Lilman being whom he is had to defy everything. He tells me in the loudest voice he can master, “i want to go to hell.”
As you laugh at or cry for me, be easy. All hope is not lost yet. I haven’t gotten to the point where tall buildings suddenly look like great spots to jump from. I am not abandoning all hope. No not yet. You see this little guy who has ensured that mummy dearest cries once in a while is also awfully sweet sometimes. He will come up to me kiss me on the forehead or chick and tell me, “mum i love you.” and i jus fall in love all over again. He is very gentle around babies younger than him. So i have learnt to occupy his with mind boggling jobs. Will make him pick up objects and put them back in place all day long. He hates that. When he has been naughty, rather than give him a good spank these days i let him cry his sins out by giving him time outs. -warning, they really don’t fully understand the concept of timeouts. When he points at people i bind his fingers. Now he is learning the concept of freedom. Hehe. Obviously these sound like extreme measures. But i assure you he i were to chose any other way i might lose my head and soon after lose my freedom.
That having been said, i would like to say this; its not Lilman that i have am issues with. Its this endless learning age he is in. That causes him to jump from the couch just to test how fast you are or if you will actually catch him. I adore my little man. He has kept me sane over the last two years. He is the reason i wake up early in the morning. He has taught me the art of patience and not blowing my top at every possible instance. In general, with all the drama he came with, i would not exchange him for another child. He is the love of my life. And shall remain so.
But next time i see a woman trying to commit murder using a sugarcane, i will be sure to refer her to two year olds. They are sharp, swift and do not waste their time talking. So my new saying is, hell knows no fury as Lilman scorned.
Think not? Why don’t you tell me your view? Heheheheh